Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is six hundred threescore and six (Revelations 13:18).

While we do not take the book of Revelations literally, we recognize it as an outstanding model for the charismatic demagogue who has come many times in human history, usually to sow boundless destruction and misery in his wake. His standard modus operandi is to appeal to ignorant and superstitious followers with religious imagery, as done by the Mahdi (the slave trader Mohammed Ahmed, 1843-1885, played by Sir Laurence Olivier in Khartoum) and Mohammed himself.

He may also, however, invoke national and cultural myths and legends. Adolf Hitler appealed to Germanic and Scandinavian legends while broadcasting Wagnerian operas, Napoleon Bonaparte appealed to French nationalism, and Attila the Hun “found” the sword of the War God. Even the sainted Joan of Arc found it convenient to “find” the Sword of Charlemagne lying around somewhere, and her followers found it convenient to at least pretend that it was indeed the artifact in question. As reported by MEMRI, however, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is going all the way and using the False Prophet and Messianic Leader role pair that appears in Revelations.

As reported by MEMRI’s “Waiting for the Mahdi: Official Iranian Eschatology Outlined in Public Broadcasting Program in Iran,”

The website of the governmental Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting (IRIB) has posted a lengthy document titled “The World toward Illumination.” The document is a transcript of an IRIB series on the imminent arrival of the Mahdi, the Twelfth or Hidden Imam, awaited by Shi’ites as the Messiah.

Rational people will probably bet anything, including their lives (which is what we will be doing if we don’t take this seriously) that the False Prophet who will affirm Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s divinity Twelfth or Hidden Imam is not going to climb out of that well in which he has been hiding any time in the foreseeable future. We remind our readers of Sky Masterson’s lines from Guys and Dolls:

One of these days, a guy is going to
show you a brand-new deck of cards
on which the seal is not yet broken.
Then this guy is going to offer to bet you
that he can make the jack of spades
jump out of this brand-new deck
of cards and squirt cider in your ear.
But, son, you do not accept this bet
because, as sure as you stand there,
you’re going to wind up
with an ear full of cider.

If we make the mistake of accepting the bet that the Twelfth Imam is not going to show up in the near future, we are likely to wind up with an ear full of fission byproducts and the spectre of a mushroom cloud, perhaps in a major city like New York or Washington DC. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who has already proved himself a skillful showman and demagogue, is doubtlessly orchestrating the appearance of his Twelfth Imam. Many Iranians will find it convenient to believe that Ahmadinejad’s shill and stage assistant is indeed the Mahdi (Expected One or Messiah), while others will pretend to believe unless they want to find themselves hanging from nooses at the end of cranes.

The MEMRI article continues,

The program describes in glowing terms the messianic age to be inaugurated by the Mahdi. He is to begin his uprising in Mecca, and then march on Iraq, where he will establish his “seat of world government” in the city of Kufa and subjugate the current world powers. This will be an age of unparalleled happiness; there will be completely new technologies at mankind’s disposal, and “corruption, war, and rebellion will no longer exist.”

This is the typical Messianic scenario that is promised by every religion on earth that promises a Messiah. Christians believe that this will happen when Jesus returns, while Hindus say the same thing about the Tenth Avatar, or incarnation, of Vishnu. (Rama was the eigth avatar, while Krishna was the ninth.) Eastern philosophy predicts the coming of a monarch who will be a perfect king, who will rule under the Mandate of Heaven. “Mandate of Heaven” means accordance with the Way (Tao, Do, Dharma), or the natural laws that govern all human behavior.

Various days of the year are mentioned as being propitious for the appearance of the Mahdi, though the program says that the precise date cannot be known.

This is similar to the Christian belief that the world will know “neither the day nor the hour” of Jesus’ return. We have little doubt, however, that the Mahdi will indeed show up on one of those propitious days, and he will doubtlessly recite whatever script Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has prepared for him.

Here is more detail of what the Iranian media is telling millions of superstitious and credulous followers:

“Contrary to the views of western theoreticians, who usually depict an ambiguous and dark future for mankind, Muslim experts believe human history, despite its many ups and downs, has a very auspicious fate, and with the appearance of the Imam of the Age, Hazrat Mahdi (may God hasten his reappearance), finally the world matters will gain order. Muslims believe hopes for the realization of such a happy ending for the world, are called ‘Awaiting Redemption’, and means waiting for man’s problems to be solved by the Savior at the end of time. This awaiting influences many, and inspires them with activity and enthusiasm in confronting darkness and oppression for changing the existing situation…

It’s this business of waiting for a Savior who is going to solve everyone’s problems that opens the door to the most horrific monsters who ever lived. Most Germans believed during the 1930s that Hitler was solving all their problems but, ten years later, their nation was divided, occupied, and in ruins while one out of every ten Germans was dead.

“When that Promised Person who is the direct descendent of the Prophet rises up, the sun of justice and freedom will shine on the hearts and he with his kind hands will extend friendship throughout the world. His face will be attractive and his look charismatic. He is humble before God’s greatness. He is a manifestation of God’s glory and beauty. Imam Mahdi is the perfect human being. His behavior is praiseworthy and his manners immaculate. He is the embodiment of justice. His torch of guidance is for all mankind…

“In short, when he reappears, peace, justice and security will overcome oppression and deceit and one global government, the most perfect ever, will be established. He will make the earth prosper in a way in which no ruins will remain. Man’s maturity will reach its height, full equality will be established among the people, and no one will be arrogant toward the other and will not try to dominate others. Finally, corruption, war and rebellion will no longer exist and everything will be new and fresh like spring.”

And there will be pie in the sky by and by, too.

Now of course we come to the jihad or holy war. It will, after all, be necessary to kill millions of innocent people to create the promised “paradise on earth:”

“After his appearance the Imam would remain in Mecca for some time, and then go to Medina. According to narrations, Sofyani, a descendant of the Prophet’s archenemy Abu Sofyan, will seize Syria and attack Iraq and the Hejaz with the ferocity of a beast. The Sofyani will commit great crimes against humanity in Iraq, slaughtering people bearing the names of the infallible Imams, and his army will lay siege to the city of Kufa and to Holy Najaf. Of course, many incidents take place in this line and finally Imam Mahdi sends troops who kill the Sofyani in Beit ol-Moqaddas [i.e. Jerusalem], the Islamic holy city in Palestine that is currently under occupation of the Zionists. Soon a pious person from the progeny of Imam Hasan Mojtaba… meets with the Imam. He is a venerable God-fearing individual from Iran. Before the Imam’s appearance he fights oppression and corruption and enters Iraq to lift the siege of Kufa and holy Najaf and to defeat the forces of Sofyani in Iraq. He then pledges allegiance to Imam Mahdi.

The most frightening aspect to what might be taken for the ravings of an insane lunatic (or someone on a trip with some really good LSD) is that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is coldly rational. Unlike Adolf Hitler, a failed painter, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a civil engineer. Our own training is in chemical engineering, and we therefore know how engineers think. We know that all materials and energy are subject to certain physical laws, and we can use these laws to make the materials and energies do what we want. We have also taken courses in organizational behavior and organizational psychology in the process of earning a night school MBA. It would not surprise us if Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has taken similar courses, or at least has read some books. An engineer can easily understand that all human behavior is subject to natural laws and, although individual behavior is certainly not as predictable as that of inanimate materials, group behavior can often be manipulated the same way a chemical engineer makes fluids flow through pipes or a civil engineer directs the flow of water.

Sun Tzu counseled that one should know one’s enemy and oneself. In this case, we know Mahmoud Ahmadinejad by knowing exactly what can be done with the laws of organizational behavior. We ourselves used the natural laws of human behavior to destroy the Million Mom March in 2000 and cripple MoveOn.org in 2006, much as a sapper or pioneer might drop a bridge by blowing out the keystone that holds it together. We destroyed the Million Mom March, not by opposing its anti-Second Amendment agenda directly as the NRA was doing, but by proving to its own followers that their leaders were lying to them and manipulating them. Our enemy is also trained as an engineer, he doubtlessly thinks he can channel his followers’ collective behavior the way he would channel water through a culvert, and he is clearly an expert in the organizational behavior techniques that will enable him to achieve this.

Let there be no doubt: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is rational, sane, and intelligent, and he is doing everything he is doing for a reason. This is 1937 or 1938 all over again, except Hitler in a headscarf is not, unlike Hitler in a swastika, sufficiently insane to think he can fight the entire world. The free world must stop him, and it must stop him now.